Coping Hour #52: Myles Turner Jersey Retirement + Detroit Hired A New President

Coping Hour #52: Myles Turner Jersey Retirement + Detroit Hired A New President

[Music] good morning good afternoon whatever time of day it is that you are listening folks thank you very very much for listening date today is the 24th of May year of Our Lord 20124 welcome to yet another edition of the cing hour hosted by Nicholas nle AKA moton NOA taping this on a beautiful Thursday night about halfway through the fourth quarter of the Celtics Pacers game two I mean this shit’s over that’s why I was like I don’t need to really wait for any this game’s over finally it happened the Celtics had the game where they were like yeah I mean we’re the better team I don’t know why we’re playing with our food and like acting like we’re not supposed to win this series in like five games fiveish games we’ll talk about it in a little bit uh I want to talk about some stuff up top I have a a couple housekeeping notes that I want to tackle before we jump into Today’s Show almost like some maybe almost an apology up front I got to apologize to our Canadian listeners for disparaging your heritage your culture um your history because in the last episode I I misspoke I learned something that I didn’t know and if there’s ever a time to say have you seen this have you heard about this it’s probably right now Dr James naith is a [ __ ] he was a Canuck he was a Canadian I said that basketball we were talking about the face of the league and and and how there’s like this weird it’s like American exceptionalism [ __ ] are like no it has to be an America the next face of the league and it’s like well it’s going to be Victor wanyama so what do you have to say about that and it’s like I it’s like I said something in in passing about how well it was the sport was invented by an American so naturally the face of the league has to be an American and historically International Players up until the last like decade haven’t really like run this [ __ ] it’s really been Americans but now it’s a very global global Sport and a couple of you guys through virtue of the comments and uh even via the email coping hour Subs gmail.com spelled phonetically email will be available in the description uh wherever you’re listening to the show called me out rightfully so and if nothing else this is a podcast where we it’s not a podcast but this is a show where we are not prone to putting a hand up calling ourselves out uh and reflecting on some on some misbehavior yeah I apologize that [ __ ] was a Canadian what Liv there like I thought he was from Kansas I thought he was like throwing like tinf foil balls into like a [ __ ] Coke can or whatever the a peach tree basket that’s what a peach peach basket Peach Tree I think I think I’m conflating Peach Tree dish and like a peach basket yeah Dr James n Smith was not an American that was a did you know that that’s blew my mind a guy emailed and I was like he wasn’t offended I mean he’s a Canadian so he was nice about it although I have an issue with that Canadians are not nice people there’s like a weird um there’s like a a a weird fallacy out there that Canadians are like uh just generally very nice people they’re [ __ ] [ __ ] for they’re not nice people they’re just not I don’t know if there’s like a specific like province of Canada where like most of the nice people are but in my experience all of the Canadians that I’ve dealt with m is the lovely person who emailed into the show and a few of you commenters I don’t know about you guys but the guy who emailed to the show was very diligent about letting me know that I [ __ ] up he was nice about it but for the most part well oh here’s what it might be is it’s probably I’m probably thinking of all of the ones are from like the French provinces right like Quebec stuff like that they’re the [ __ ] they’re the problem but the real well wait who is wait whoa whoa wow we are off to the races here who are the real Canadians is it the French people or is it the Canadians or not like no not the Canadians folks uh let’s talk about something else we got another email we got another email coping hour Subs gmail.com this one came into us from Dylan uh one more brief housekeeping note in the previous episode I asked you guys hey you know how you always see those Verizon ads those AT&T ads those T-Mobile ads and they’re like oh you know come switch your phone plan to us and we’ll give you like a free Apple watch on the house we’ll give you a free iPad free tablet like a Samsung Samsung tablet on the house and I was like have you any of you guys ever actually done that and gotten like cool [ __ ] for free from one of these like phone carriers because I’ve never heard of anybody who had we got an email here from Dylan Dylan welcome to the show hey Nick quick answer to the Verizon thing from Monday’s podcast went in with my dad to get a new phone about six months back saw the ad for free watch and free watch with a new phone so we asked very suspiciously turns out they’re actually not lying you really do get a brand new Apple watch with your purchase but there is a catch the watch they give you has the data SLS service feature and you have to agree to have Verizon as the car carrier for the watch for at least a year then parenthetically said at least an hour case I imagine it’s the same for the tablet probably monthly cost is around $10 so $120 for a brand new Apple watch spread out over a year actually a pretty good deal Dylan that is that does sound like a good deal I guess maybe I misunderstood the email and my question would be why the [ __ ] am I paying for like a carry like service on an iPad an Apple Watch I I don’t know I’ve never had an Apple Watch so I don’t know maybe that makes sense I guess that would technically if it’s paired with your phone but I guess you can also pair an iPad with your phone so like you’re like what you’re like huh uh if if if AT&T was like yeah you need phone service on your iPad somebody’s getting murdered I’m killing someone I’m pulling out a whoa okay who whoa okay I appreciated that and then oh and then another one I don’t have the comments up here um uh to read directly but I also asked a question where I was like why are Europeans so obsessed with WhatsApp like what’s the I I assumed it was like an encryption thing the applesauce brain that is not at all what it is a few of you uh beautiful Europeans let me know that it’s like a thing where different countries have like different agreements with how much you have to pay for like if it’s something like if you are in a certain country that isn’t in this certain agreement then you have to pay like 10 cents a text I’m going to be honest if anybody makes me pay 10 cents a text for anything somebody’s getting murdered I’m pulling out okay Nick hold on so the the we got the the Boston Celtics and the Indiana Pacers uh I’m assuming the Celtics are going to yeah 32 seconds left this [ __ ] oh they’re up by 20 this shit’s over this shit’s over what are we even talking about this being a series for and I mean this with all due respect I love the Pacers I do I’m being hyperbolic I don’t like them that much I like them I don’t love them that much but it’s when you talk about the the best team in the East we were thinking the Celtics and we were thinking the Knicks and then the Knicks got decimated by injuries you lost Jaylen Brunson at the talent to game seven Josh Hart was [ __ ] around and like n was kind of not there for game six like at all OG missed some time no Julius Randall no Mitchell Robinson no no bogdanovich and so the Pacers just took advantage of their availability and then also in game seven like shooting 70% from the field which is an anomaly in and of itself and so you don’t fault them for that at all and it’s been it’s been a really fun ride but when you think about like there are just levels to this [ __ ] and that game one were just like what is happening is here what is going on why is I thought this game was I like if you weren’t if there wasn’t a score bug and you couldn’t see that the Celtics were smoking the game and that Indiana just they just kept hanging around and you know eventually it goes to overtime thanks to Jaylen Brown which we’ll have some commentary on that shot in just a second watching that game the [ __ ] is going on here Boston like I went into this series thinking to myself you know there’s probably going to be a point maybe a maybe maybe two games but at least one game where Indiana wins and I don’t really know that it’s going to be at the hands of them shooting you know 70% from the field again I just feel like it would be more of like Boston being asleep at the wheel because for a team that just refused to play defense all year uh in the Pacers like it’s just really hard to match the output the Avalanche that that the Celtics can almost like perpetuate onto your onto your defense it just felt like it was going to be chalk I I tell you what man well Jason Tatum 19 points in the second half seven of 12 from the field l two for eight in the first half after that first half people were probably like is Jason Tatum [ __ ] made how about that second half folks um I here’s my thing I got a few notes from that first game we got a double Bang from Mike Breen did you guys hear that did you guys catch that it would be impossible if you didn’t here’s a a note for posterity for those who command it my girlfriend she was in the kitchen which is around this Corner if you’re watching the the video uh version of this podcast right around the corner of where I am is is where the kitchen is and then right to my immediate left you can see the reflection of the TV that’s where the TV is so I’m sitting here watching the game Jaylen Brown from the corner puts up that shot with a hand in his face Bang Bang Bang Bang from Mike Breen to send it to overtime I immediately pull out my phone text to my brother I’m in all caps a double Bang from Mike Breen while I’m in the middle of typing the text my girlfriend she goes from the next room she goes was that a double bang I IM I scrapped the text to my brother I start looking up engagement rings fellas am I right when she starts comment commenting on was that a [ __ ] double Bang from Mike Breen do you understand how rare it is at the risk of sounding like I’m a like I’m a sexist idiot do you understand fellas just think about it because she likes she’s of course into sports she’s into everything that we watch so she knows but it just it just caught me off guard that is a very specific thing to be able to um to be able to catch a double Bang from Mike Breen yes sweetheart that is exactly what it was but then I you know I eventually send a text to my brother and he’s talking his response such a such a wet blanket my brother was about it he goes man I don’t think it really I don’t think he deserved it I don’t think that I don’t think that moment warranted a double bang go Matthew what the hell are you talking about I go the stakes of that moment from a guy I like Jaylen Brown to hit that shot a tough bucket a stank Face bucket that Jaylen Brown hit to to to not to close out the game but to close out regulation right I go we’re talking about the Celtics the number one seed on the on the I mean on the doorstep the preus of going down 01 in that series I don’t give a [ __ ] like who they’re playing even if they’re like playing down to their opponent the what what are the Pacers the score bug’s gone to the six seed this year right they the five seed five or six seed whatever they are you’re playing down to the Pacers that entire game I don’t care man it’s the Eastern Conference Finals that shot has consequence man it’s the stakes of that moment of course of course it deserved a double bang and I was so happy to witness that live I don’t know if there’s a isn’t that such a fun it’s why I love broadcasting man is when you are able to pick up on these quirks these catchphrases and the the way that they can the magnitude of them right that when you’re able to identify it like trying to really trying to think of like I don’t know Kevin Haron has when somebody throws in a nasty putback dump parachuting in Oh Aaron Gordon parachutes in to put the Nuggets up seven rest in peace to the Nuggets right but frent purposes like he loves doing that but the double bang is is is illustrious it’s rare it’s it really lets you know that what you just watched has historic precedent now has a a historic precedent now I don’t really know if we’re going to Let’s assume Boston wins the title oh o impromptu mental exercise if Boston wins the title and we look at the Celtics run in totality from October to June where does the Jaylen Brown shot that it you know uh elicited a double Bang from Mike brain rank in the pantheon of moments from the Celtics season now it technically remains to be seen uh I don’t know off the top of my head I mean this is a tough mental exercise to be doing when I don’t I don’t know what have the Celtics been doing this year they blew a 30-point lead to what Atlanta like a month and a half ago which was something that people thought was really funny other than that I don’t [ __ ] know can we talk about something that I was uh I’ve been chewing on man I’ve been thinking about this for a couple days now I finally did the Deep dive I’m watching game one of this I don’t give we I got [ __ ] else to say about game two I got maybe I got some stuff to say about it but we’ll get to that in a second while I was watching game one Pacer Celtics I’m watching Miles Turner tool around out there I’m watching him just have a good time and I’m thinking to myself I go damn he how long mil Turner Miles Turner been a Pacer his ninth year was an Indiana Pacer I go huh I’m thinking about what we talked about on Monday and I go we’ll never talk about about statues on this show oh does this guy deserve a statue that that’s Pak sicko [ __ ] it’s just not what we do around here I’ll have a conversation about does this guy get his jersey retired though and yes you know where this is going now and hold on and stay with me Miles Turner this is his ninth season with the Pacers okay everything I’m about to list off is in it through the lens of all time Indiana Pacer ranks okay he’s ninth in games played he’s fourth in made threes ninth in defensive rebounds for posterity uh not in the top 10 for offensive rebounds I thought that was interesting and he’s of course first in blocks also Not Top 10 in steals I just throwing that out there I don’t know if that’s going to surprise any of you it did surprise me a little bit not even top 10 in Steels okay all right thought he I thought he you know kind of threw his arms into passing Lanes pretty well deflected surp passes Maybe top 10 in deflections I bet that’s the thing but anyways he is first in blocks not in the top 10 in steals uh has no All-Star games no All-Star Game appearances and one top five Defensive Player of the Year finish through nine Seasons I think what El is important here is think to yourself the last decade of NBA basketball is there an NBA player who has been subject to more trade rumors than him I mean it’s it’s seemingly every year it’s it’s certainly cooled down I’d say in the last two maybe since halberton got there people have kind of started to be like I think maybe Miles Turner is here to stay but for the previous what what would that have been seven folks you were around you saw it the way that I saw it every single year this team’s got interest in Miles Turner oh I remember there was one year Miles Turner was going for three round three round picks that was the asking price yesterday’s price is not today’s price what does he go for today not a goddamn thing folks not a goddamn thing because Miles Turner isn’t going anywhere nine years as a Pacer has seemingly avoid not seemingly he just he just has avoided every single trade rumor that he has been involved in and I think you know playing nine years for a team in the NBA in in 2024 what is what’s what are the numbers on that in 2024 the number of players who who have played at least nine seasons for an NBA team it’s it’s sub 10% at most it’s sub 10% right I think you know you got you got Stephen there that Victor will be on there Giannis is probably this is giannis’s 10th year maybe 11th year Giannis has passed nine sneaky I would have put I would have thought Trey young would have been on this list but it seems like maybe we’re going to Trend it an opposite direction I don’t know if he quite gets to nine years I’d be like if he’s not gone this summer I’d be shocked but but I mean hey hey stranger things have happened you know Victor wanyama will get there and the list could go on did did did KD get there with Oklahoma City he got close maybe he did he play exactly nine years with Oklahoma City although some people would argue that exactly what I’m talking about of oh how rare it is that a dude would play nine years for an NBA team was was spearheaded by Kevin Durant and his uh Tom Foolery going to Golden State uh those people are idiots by the way those people are [ __ ] morons they’re not right don’t listen to they’re not right they think they’re they’re not right I gotta tell you though not this no don’t Sidetrack do the Kevin Durant thing in just a second I say all of that just to say are we retiring miles Turner’s Jersey in Indiana are we retiring 33 that’s what I want to ask I set all of that up just to ask that question and then if you don’t think so if you don’t think so can we settle on something else can we just agree on something else when the Pacers uh regardless of of how his career ends I don’t give a [ __ ] how this series goes you know if Indiana they don’t make the finals which probably not going to down 20 at this point I mean weren’t they down 20 to the Knicks though it’s not going to happen it’s different it’s just different unless Jason Tatum dies which I don’t want to manifest that I don’t want to manifest Jason Tatum dying but unless he dies like this the Celtics are just going to win this series you know it his his resume being miles miles Turner as it stands I think is more Ring of Honor pilled than it is Jersey retirement if that makes sense you know they’ll they’ll bring him out they’ll have Miles Turner KN when he’s five years you know removed from the NBA whatever it ends up being uh you know a guy who has has been able to shoot Threes And it did I say was he on the let me just uh yeah fourth and made threes the [ __ ] he’s a big man and you’re going to say well you know that by the time he got into the league you know the big man big men shooting threes had that era had sort of been ushered into the league [ __ ] [ __ ] 2015 were big shooting threes uh-uh uh-uh they weren’t if you think they were you’re at the risk of sounding rude my mom said to me a couple weeks ago when she came she drove down from Michigan she goes sometimes you’re kind of rude to your listeners at the risk of sounding uh rude once again you’re a [ __ ] liar Miles Turner does he get his his jersey retired by the Indiana Pacers let me know down in the comments send an email in coping hour Subs gmail.com spelled out F phonetically email will be available in the description wherever you’re listening to the show you can leave I know some of you guys like to leave comments on the on the Spotify uh episodes I do read all of them I never I don’t know how to I don’t think I can respond to those I don’t think there’s actually a way for me to do that so I will always read them but there’s sh there’s [ __ ] that I can do about it so another thing I wanted to mention um this this pertains to both the uh uh Celtic series and the Timberwolves ma Maverick series at the risk of sounding like I’m being comparative well I am so the Boston crowd sucks so so TD Garden is just a The Vibes are bad and the crowd sucks because when you when you’re speaking comparatively and you watch game one of Minnesota and Dallas and you the game ones specifically right I’m watching Dallas kind of like play with their food I’m sorry I’m watching Boston like kind of play with their food a little bit too much and the game kind of like goes off the rails at some point the Pacers go up like five late in that game and you’re like holy [ __ ] are they about to smoke are is Boston really about to smoke this game the Celtics crowd I just hate I hate when people do this because it sounds like I’m psychoanalyzing [ __ ] that isn’t real but it’s like Doug it’s almost like a it’s almost like a palpable sense of entitlement that unless they are hanging Banner number 18 they’re like we don’t care we don’t give a [ __ ] about this game at all unless you’re unless Jaylen Brown is doing some whoopdee whoop [ __ ] from 27 feet from the basket or Derek white is doing some like baldheaded Baseline cut you know what I mean then we’ll we’ll get on our feet and we’ll do a little yeah we’ll do a little urah I’m watching Minnesota against Denver in game seven their [ __ ] are down 20 they’re down well wait that doesn’t make sense that game was in Denver that game was in Denver right hold on do I need to whoa what what game am I thinking of I have watched in these playoffs is my Point Minnesota being down at home by significant numbers and that crowd what do they do they’re down 15 and you hear defense defense they want to get their guys into it man the atmosphere matters they feed off of that [ __ ] people say it doesn’t matter that [ __ ] absolutely matters it’s just different it’s just different when you’re a franchise when you’re a fan base who’s hungry who who truly doesn’t know what it feels like to get to the promised land and that’s what I mean about Celtics fans is it feels like for as much as some of you aren’t going to like this as as much as I’m rooting for the Celtics to win this series [ __ ] those fans man oh oh my God what an annoying crowd like be excited about something be excited about something like for once um yeah I it it it it bothered me some other things that I noticed from this series that I wanted to uh point out I’m watching Denver and Denver W fredian slip I’m watching Minnesota and I’m watching Dallas game one and early in the second half a ref you suck ref you suck chant breaks out and for some reason in that moment I I couldn’t help it I couldn’t help it feel a little bit empathetic towards the ref I don’t remember who it was I don’t think it was the Gucci Man ref I think he’s doing the Easter Conference Finals I don’t remember who it was or oh might have been Tony Brothers which one is he doing I don’t remember who it was but that chant starts breaking out and I start thinking myself I go what’s the psychology of that I go what does that feel like to be chance ref you suck ref you suck and when it’s the home crowd do you feel the pressure of a makeup call and I paid very close attention for the next like two and a half to three minutes I the next call that goes in Minnesota’s favor how [ __ ] is it is it like Ticky Tac or does it feel consequential now wh we were in the game there was just no way that it was going to feel like it mattered at all and it didn’t I remember it it was literally something Ticky tack you’re like all right well there’s the makeup call and that’s what it is or you know whatever but you get what I’m asking here I just wonder if some of these dudes are like man maybe that was a bad call or like I don’t want them to get in my ass even more than they already are I’m going to give them this whistle here you know the moment doesn’t matter matter it’s not a big deal uh I thought that was fun another thing that I noticed from this first game between Dallas and Minnesota which which to hold on stay with it Nick I’m watching Kyrie Irving do some Voodoo [ __ ] in that first half after of course Anthony Edwards at the end of game seven against Denver was like yeah Kyrie is my matchup like that’s my guy everybody collectively around the country around the world it was a it that is Pearl clutch material if you ever heard it Anthony Edwards calling out Kyrie Irving being like Kyrie Irving being like that’s my guy in the series like that’s who I’m guarding that’s my see right we all need to see that and then it was so funny watching Kyrie after game one being like [ __ ] I was watching game seven with my family in the living room and and theny Edwards is just like Kyrie Irving like bring your ass I’m good like I’m your food your food that’s my matchup and Kyrie was like we all saw how that first half went here’s what my takeaway was I’m watching kyay in the first half and I think to myself I don’t know if I have been alive for a player in the NBA who I watch make tougher shots that make me audibly react by going oh tough shot tough bucket like stank faing that [ __ ] per capita per game than Kyrie Irving in my life I don’t think I’ve ever seen somebody who takes as as difficult of shots as he does does while making seemingly all of them and then on the shoot around earlier we we were you know we dissected it a little bit and been really trying to think like who are some of the other players that are in the modern era uh that i’ that I’ve watched but mainly like right now in the league that I would also put in that same category Kyrie is number one Kyrie puts [ __ ] up there that you’re like he like he cuz like he’ll catch the ball on the Baseline and then like take two dribbles get to his spot on the elbow and then like use his left to like go glass and there’s also like two hands in his face and a dude trailing behind him and it doesn’t matter and it just like goes in you’re what so he’s number one I don’t think I don’t think it’s close anybody I don’t think it’s it’s just Kyrie right sneaky though if anybody would Luca is up there too but if I could only pick one Maverick unfortunately luky would pick Kyrie who else is on there Donovan Mitchell oh and here’s what I said on the shoot around was I was like I don’t know if there’s a player in the NBA who I go me me like me personally that I go more time in between watching him like I’ll go a month without I have no idea what Donovan Mitchell is doing I don’t know what he’s up to and then like you’ll tune into a Cavs game and for me this this happened in the Magic series you just watch him you’re like who the who the [ __ ] is this who is this guy is this the face of the league is this the who the [ __ ] is this where did this guy come from the [ __ ] that he puts up and is able to make seemingly everything going again uh he’s definitely on there now the third player the final player that I will mention for this like oh tough bucket list audible reaction list DeMar rosen DeMar rosen I don’t have anything else to add to it he’s just kind of always been that guy you know what I mean I would put DeMar rosen so Kyrie Irving uh who the [ __ ] was the second guy that I said and then demard de Rosen another thing that that I wanted to mention oh wait no that was that was all the stuff that I wanted to mention oh oh yeah something God damn it I should have mentioned this at the beginning when I was actually talking about the the the Pacers and the and the Celtics nah I’ll stick with this I’ll stick with Dallas and I’ll stick with Minnesota because I do have something else to say about that is this for you guys too the series that you didn’t realize how long you had been waiting for and I don’t just mean this year I don’t I mean I don’t know through one game no hyperbole [ __ ] I’m being so for real I’m I learned I realized this in the second quarter I don’t know the last time I watched a playoff series in the NBA that I was I was glued to that I was like if I look away from this I might throw up if I miss one bucket in this series I might throw up because of the physicality because of the shot making and the and the the shot making difficulty and this the the teams that are involved the players that are involved I’m like the maybe the last time I was as captivated by a series was 2018 Houston and Golden State I was obsessed with that series folks that was six years ago that was six years ago and I don’t even know if that’s really the series that I mean I don’t know what it is I think the only word that I can think to describe when I watch a Dallas Mavericks Minnesota Timberwolves Western Conference Finals a championship birth on the line is refreshing that’s the word it’s refreshing because we’ve talked on this show about wow it’s going to be what the sixth year in a row that we have a unique champion in the NBA somebody who has never won a championship before as a number one guy is about to win uh a r and that in and of itself is is I think enough to excite anybody um although I do kind of want to talk about something for a second I hate to I hate to be this guy I do I do and I don’t cuz narratives are having a moment in the NBA and if there’s anything that this show has historically been about it’s narratives I like to think we like you know we do narratives on this show people talk oh don’t anytime I talk about anything oh is don’t you know why does this show have to be political I don’t know cuz it’s the essence of the show this show is about being terminally online I’m S I apologize if you can hear the sirens in the background but one of the narratives that we have been covering on this show that I am repulsed by I’m disgusted by is the people who are like is Anthony Edwards going to be is this are the [ __ ] police on my balcony can I really hope you guys can hear this so I’m not crazy because Jesus Christ as soon as I start talking about is Anthony Ed is the best player in the world the [ __ ] police show up at my door which they should because what the [ __ ] are are people talking about it’s this culture in the NBA about like every young player every guy who’s 25 and under who is the number one or number two guy on a team who makes a deep playoff run there’s this compulsive need to overreact and to like and to stamp them as something that they might not actually be because they are just sort of playing through the circumstances that they were dealt right and while I think two things could be true about Anthony Edwards that one he could actually fit the bill and everything that people are saying for a dude like him could absolutely be true because he is that [ __ ] right but the second thing is I think people are just excited that somebody new is kind of in The Fray and that a you know a top draft pick in recent years is really going out there in a major way and winning some games so much so that people were talking about him being oh is he is he does he kind of remind you of a young Michael Jordan that is is that kind of is that kind of what you get out of him Anthony Edwards has scored less than 20 points in five of his 12 playoff games did you hear that did you hear me say that you know how many times Michael Jordan did that like six and that [ __ ] played in like 170 playoff games I just had to be quiet and let that marinate with you guys for a second what are we talking about because do you realize what happens when we do this when we talk about Anthony Edwards is he the best player in the league holy [ __ ] is he having a moment he is but he’s not the best player in the league he’s up there right if you want to do a whole Mount Rushmore who are the best players in the league if you want to put him up there right now sure I’ll let you [ __ ] your way into it I’m not going to be mad at you but what’s going to happen if he poops his pants in this series you’re going to have to have a conversation with your [ __ ] self where you sit there and you’re like damn did we kind of hype this dude up and then he ended up having a bad series I mean I tell you [ __ ] what this guy is sitting there in the half of this game against Dallas with his damn hands pulling down his shorts for the for the majority of the time cuz he’s gassed cuz that’s what happens when you call out Kyrie Irving because there’s not [ __ ] that you can do about him defensively and I and and and and it sounds like I’m being a hater it sounds like I’m doing a whole thing where I’m like Anthony Edwards actually doesn’t even belong in the league no stop I love Anthony Edwards I love him but we can we can take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror and say that what the [ __ ] is this what are we talking about here Anthony Edwards being the best player in the world if your answer here and here’s my thing if your answer for who is the best player in the world uh in in five years whatever right or like who’s the I’m sorry not who’s the best player the world but who’s the face of the league because I do actually think those are two different things if your answer is anything other than Victor wanyama again at the risk of my mom thinking that I’m sounding rude you’re a [ __ ] idiot you’re dumb I’m not list I don’t want to have a conversation with you I don’t want to talk to you and that’s somebody who loves talking that’s somebody I love having conversations but I’m not talking to you about this [ __ ] right and I and my and you know what folks you know what folks here’s Victor wanyama being uh not first team all NBA first team all defense as a rookie that was the first time that that ever happened really did that that surprise any of you guys too I read that on like the bottom ticker I was like really H H hey uh here’s something actually I feel like there was something else I was supposed to say say there and maybe I’ll come back to it Pistons hired a new president of basketball operations let me just pull up his name here again TR trajan tran tran Landon Tran Landon I think it’s Tran Landon and I apologize for butchering his name if I did because I not to sound like Tom brenaman but I pride myself on being able to pronounce certain names although erdan has the Turkish [ __ ] has given me a lot of trouble I only learned last week it’s not Eran I thought that it was so okay the Pistons have a new president of basketball operations oh oh okay he’s dude from the Pelicans oh okay who who was his former agent will you guys look that up for me it was [ __ ] Arn tellum I’m the league needs to step in this guy is a [ __ ] criminal and I understand that there was a point in time where AR tellum represented 15% of the league and for a league that only has what like 300 some mod players that’s a lot I mean 15% is a lot so it’s hard not to have some overlap you know over that you talk about you know who else is an AR tellum client by the way a former client is JJ Rex keep that [ __ ] away from this franchise so okay the Pistons bring in the the pels dude oh okay pretty good track Rec record literally I’m not going to pretend to know anything about him because I don’t the only things that I know about him Pelicans fans uh gave him credit for all of their success and blamed David Griffin for all of their shortcomings so okay cool I guess we got the good one that’s cool I don’t even have a problem with David Griffin but all right well wait no no I’m thinking of Dan Gilbert [ __ ] Dan Gilbert like hard [ __ ] Dan Gilbert [ __ ] that guy like Capital H hate him and then Shawn Marx also really really liked him too when he was with Brooklyn and I’m like oh well okay that’s cool I like Shawn Marx too he’s a pretty smart dude like oh okay so so where do we go here now um just Brandon Ingram does that mean that Brandon sealed and signed she’s not my LEL like Billy jeene but the kid is mine does that mean that Brandon Ingram is coming to Detroit is that the takeaway here I guess maybe it could be uh I also I I don’t know maybe and then there’s this report that comes out from Bleacher Report that’s like that you know the Pistons would be open to firing Monty Williams what an insane headline that the Pistons would be open to fire Monty Williams the guy who the the headline being devoid of context the guy who just led the team to The Worst season that they’ve ever had in what 80 years give or take of existing I mean I’m I’m conflating Detroit and Fort Wayne but give me come me some [ __ ] slack right I’m I’m sitting here I’m I got a I got a one-month-old sleeping in the Next Room I got my our in-laws my in-laws are coming to town tomorrow our son sitting here I’m you know you hold him in the middle of the night he’s hiccuping and farting at the same time won’t go to sleep needs to eat 16 ounces every single every five minutes by the time he’s done hiccuping and farting he’s he’s pooped his pants all right fine I’ll go to change him oh well then he throws up all right you clean up the throw up oh but then he pees all over his own face all right I’ll clean that you think I got time for this [ __ ] I don’t have time for this [ __ ] literally at all Monty Williams though they’re open to f in Monty Williams [ __ ] out of here oh we’ll eat the 80 million if we have to [ __ ] you it doesn’t even count against the cap why are we even talking about this as if I much stress I got in my life right now talking about oh the Pistons will be open to firing Monty Williams I will kill someone I don’t why do I keep doing this I’m not gonna kill anyone not gonna kill any I’m not gonna murder anyone if Monty Williams is our coach next year although here’s my question fire him okay all right all right okay you fired Monty Williams you’re the Cavs you you’re basically what the Cavs just did where you waited like a semi weird amount of time to fire JB bicker staff like usually when a team loses a playoff series within two days the coach is gone and even then the coach knows like I’m out of here right like when they’re doing their exit interviews they’re like my ass is out of here sometimes they don’t even make it to the exit interviews and that shit’s like a day later right okay so the Cavs fired JB bicker staff who the [ __ ] is out there who’s out there what a weird time to fire a coach bud just got picked up by Phoenix report comes out yeah we’re looking at James Bargo I’ll murder someone if James Bargo is the coach of the cat I will kill someone on live TV and you talk about and then they throw out Kenny ainson the Silicon Valley Lizard Man himself the tech giant I don’t have a joke for this Kenny ainson is on the list the short list I guess for being the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers I I don’t think there’s a guy in League who you’ve heard his name thrown around more in the last few years despite him like evading every single job offer that gets thrown he’s like man I don’t really feel like it I’m just going to stay in Golden State you’re like all right you’re like all right that’s cool but if you’re the Cavs and my I don’t know what the I don’t know what’s going on with them genuinely I don’t I’m not I don’t know I’m just not plugged in enough because they hate bicker staff hated I guess past tense rest in peace got murdered by Dan Gilbert [ __ ] that God I hate Dan Gilbert hate him cuz he big timed me into real life in downtown Detroit nobody else was around nobody it was literally just me my brother Dan Gilbert it was just us three and he bitched us I hate Dan Gilbert to this day oh well Nick he probably he’s a famous he probably just didn’t want to be bothered [ __ ] you is my response to that what was I talking about oh James Pergo yeah I mean he hates young oh and then the thing I wanted to say was so they don’t like JB bicker staff down in Cleveland and but they also hate Darius Garland I guess I understand that one a little bit but also I don’t because is it well maybe I do because it’s a very what have you done for me lately league in the NBA remember like a year or two two years ago it was the wasn’t it the year that the allar game was in Cleveland that Garland got voted in maybe a I don’t remember Reserve however the [ __ ] it doesn’t miss the same star on basketball reference all the same it doesn’t [ __ ] matter whatever year that was a Darius Garland made an All-Star team which did happen pretty sure that did happen [ __ ] were like he’s the second coming of Christ and two years go by and people act like he’s killing and Hayes you’re like what and you’re like huh so then the gears start to spin a little bit put some grease in there and you’re like oh okay so you wonder if getting the number one pick in Atlanta maybe changes the timeline on the Trey young thing we’ll talk about that in a second okay so San Antonio can’t go after Trey young a franchise by the way that doesn’t really make that many trades ever and if they do it has to be in the offseason the Spurs are not making a trade in the middle of the Season you also wouldn’t make a trade for like a darus Carlin or Trey young in the middle of the Season you just wouldn’t unless it was like a contract thing you just wouldn’t do that well even then you just wouldn’t do it right okay so the do the Spurs want Darius Garland how do you guys like that if we can’t do if we can’t do Trey young and Victor wanyama which is maybe the best case scenario here sneaky if there was a way if there was a way to do Tyrese Halton and Victor with minyama oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God but that can’t happen that’s foolishness that’s not real that’s not real that’s 2K [ __ ] that’s not real okay so who else do you want well after that yeah man I mean look at Trey young that’s like the most realistic option okay well who’s after that probably Darius Garland and then who’s after that sign Russell Westbrook and free agency and then after that you’re [ __ ] out of luck go get like tus Jones or something reunite him and his brother like I guess that would be fun but I was thinking I was like Atlanta getting the number one pick does it do they change course and they’re like wait what if we are like really sold on like buellis I’m just throwing out a name arbitra I don’t know one of the guys in the draft buellis maybe SAR but probably buellis at number one and Trey young or wait do they move the maybe Atlanta moves the pick do they oh oh let’s get weird oh let’s get [ __ ] let’s get nasty let’s get sick I’m gonna be who’s the is is Travis schlank still the Hawks GM I don’t know I don’t know if he is I’m sorry Hawks fans if he’s not let’s do mental exercise I’m gonna be Travis schlank and Troy Weaver hey Troy uh it’s Trav uh looking to trade back in this year’s draft I don’t you know if you guys got the juice for it uh we’re looking at Jade and Ivy and we’re thinking maybe there’s some you know we want to keep Trey young and we’re thinking maybe something could materialize here if you guys want SAR and you know you you can’t get him at five you can’t get him at five so and Troy goes well um he goes all right so we swap five and one okay and then you want Ivy we want dejonte Murray we want de jonte Murray and then you can have because I don’t know what dejon Murray’s contract is I’m breaking the phone call by the way I don’t know what his contract is back to the phone call so you know we’ll throw in stew and then like stuff and stuff so it’s what the [ __ ] is this trade Troy’s not saying that that’s me saying that so back to Troy Troy goes so we’re going to do number five Jaden Ivy Isaiah Stewart and stuff and stuff as long as it’s not Kade it’s just stuff for number one in dejonte Murray there’s going to be some dead air for a second while I think about this uh yes no what the [ __ ] well no cuz if you get SAR you play whoa cuz you could do well would would durren have to be part of the quote unquote stuff because then it would make sense whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] Cade at the one Deonte Murray at the two God this is [ __ ] gross assar Thompson at the three Tobias Harris at the four or miles Bridges it’s gonna be one of them all right it’s going to be one of them and then you have saw at the five you draft him 1-1 is that a is that a is that a hashtag Squad is that what we would call that it’s it’s somewhere up there that team is winning at least 25 games oh oh the team still stinks the [ __ ] won like 10 games this last year I would murder somebody to win uh to win 25 games are you kidding me what’s crazy is the how I haven’t seen this talked about enough Capital H horse [ __ ] that a team that made the plan can win the lottery I understand why because they they technically lost in the plan so they didn’t make the playoffs so they are technically a lottery team [ __ ] off [ __ ] off that team was playing for a spot in the playoffs they were about to be food for Boston and you’re telling me the alternative oh I’m getting I’m riing myself up you’re telling me that the team that almost made the playoffs and technically yeah it was a disa Point Season Trey was hurt [ __ ] happened during the season whatever Quinn Snider Quinn Snyder and his [ __ ] fake hair like what a factory made hair Teemu ass hair whatever when did Teemu I’m I’m I don’t care about that conversation anymore when did Teemu replace wish when did that happen and why did that happen What does what does that market look like is it is it I I feel like it all comes from the same factor although that factory is probably like 16 different factories and they’re all probably the size of like you know those those uh those Tesla those Tesla like gigafactories that that [ __ ] is building down in like Texas probably like 16 of those I reading a whole thing about fast fashion the other day probably one of the more Awakening things that I experienced in California was was I was I remember I I went into the office one day guy I was working with was like he’s like oh where’d you get that and I was like H&M he was like I was like what I was like what the [ __ ] do you what what is wrong with H&M and he explained to me what fast fashion is and I like went home I remember I watched the document I say I went home I was living in [ __ ] hotels that’s why I was shopping at H&M $5 for a t-shirt yes living in hotels Sean uh I went home I washed like a whole mini I took like 100 milligrams of gummies washed document around fast fashion I was like what the [ __ ] is this what the [ __ ] is this speaking of which uh Grandma I’m not being funny skip ahead I’m about to talk about something Mom I guess you can listen to this if you want grandma don’t listen to this I’m about to about I’m about to talk about something very violent and I don’t want to rile you up and I don’t want to upset you so I’m going to give you a second to move ahead great I was watching a a whole thing the other day a guy wearing a GoPro and it was a Ukrainian and he was fighting in the trenches I think they were in Buck moot or somewhere in eastern Ukraine trench warfare and so many interesting things are happening in Ukraine where there’s like this weird phenomenon where Russians don’t know how to kill themselves these like 19-year-old conscripts some of them who by the way are Ukrainian themselves who are just in occupied territory and then the Russians are like hey you’re fighting for us now but some of them are like legitimate Uh Russian conscripts they like find themselves in these foxholes and there’s a lot of discourse happening on the internet right now about how to properly I don’t know if I should how I should sensor myself here to not get who cares if I get flagged I don’t make money off of the show about how there’s a lot of discourse about how to kill yourself effectively as a Russian conscript with a like an M2 grenade and the problem is what these Russians keep doing is they keep there was there’s dude I watched a video of again this is violent I’m not so if this is going to upset you then please skip ahead use the time stamps to your advantage here this is me stalling to give you some time to skip ahead so all right let’s get to it now this I watched a video of a dude he pulls the pin and he holds it away from himself like this and then like looks away and what do you think happened the motherfucker’s hand just gets blown off and then he’s like oh [ __ ] like I’m still alive so then you watch him take a grenade in the other hand that he still has bites the fuse the pin whatever [ __ ] holds it away from him again and with his little stub while he’s bleeding out covers his face and looks away and then what happens dog he survived both it it wasn’t M say M2 grenades whatever the little [ __ ] ones are they like didn’t explode at all they were like little fire they were like m not M I just said M2 what are the little firecrackers I can’t think of what what those are maybe those are m2s whatever they are they like it was like a little is all that it was so then he’s just sitting here and he’s sitting there screaming with no hands this is happening in real time like this happened like a week ago and like I was just like sitting here like twiddling my thumbs like feeding my son and there’s like a conscript out there with no hands like he’s like how do I kill myself and then there’s this I was uh people were like well so here’s what you really need to do here’s what you really need I guess this is my Reddit voice here’s what you really need to do when you want to kill yourself with a grenade what you need to do is you need to pull the pin and you need to uh you need to set it behind your neck and and pinch it and squeeze it and then it’ll blow your [ __ ] out another one that uh I did watch a video about this too they pull the pin and then they just tuck it in their shirt and they just hold it to their chest like around their heart and then that does the trick and you’re probably like why the [ __ ] are they doing this why are they doing this well usually what it is is because they see the Drone they see the Drone or they see you know there’s an advance or whatever it is and you just watch these dudes man you just watch them in real time just blow themselves up you’re like Jesus Jesus Christ but the reason I brought this up was I I watched a video of a dude like [ __ ] around in some I [ __ ] around he’s going you know trench to trench with his plon and he like drops down in one and it’s subtitled and he’s like he drops down on this Russian kid who like it was I definitely watched a war crime I know like it’s what it was I know it’s like oh it was Ukraine it was against a Russian who cares no it was [ __ ] up was [ __ ] up he drops into this trench and he was like it was like it wasn’t greetings it was something greetings adjacent that was funny funny but he was like greetings we are the ukrainians and just in his [ __ ] head and you’re like whoa whoa that was [ __ ] up what was that and then I I watched uh there’s a film that was supposed to not Premiere but it was there was supposed to be a showing of it at uh K’s Festival in France this past weekend and it it’s a like a 45 minute essentially short film of the October 7th um uh Hamas attacks what the [ __ ] was I talk why am I even talk dog we were talking about the Piston’s president of basketball operations and now I’m like yeah I was watching like CCT TV and body cam footage of like Hamas terrorist it’s [ __ ] man I I was watching this video what is the movie called it’s um it’s like we are all Witnesses or something that makes it sound like it’s like LeBron we are all Witnesses or something imagine that Undisputed teams up with the IDF to this isn’t funny this isn’t funny but godamn you watch some of the raw footage from the oh my god oh ooh there’s some o and it’s insane that all of this [ __ ] is just accessible on the internet anybody can go look it up anybody can go look this up and then you just have to live with it and you just have to go to sleep Alia will never forget again this segment I can already tell I will have to put in the time stamps that we are talking about like some very gratuitous [ __ ] uh so at this point you’ve had your warnings and I’m just going to let it fly I don’t know why I’m still doing this but I am I remember being like 10 and when I talk about like having unrestricted internet access at a point in time where the internet was like the wild west while I was growing up and like the irreparable damage that it did to me and that’s why I know now that as a father one of the only things that I I very confidently can say I will know how to teach our son is like internet literacy and media literacy um I was like 10 the ount of videos that I watched of dudes just like blowing their heads off is insane and like I remember like some nights I like this is [ __ ] up I don’t like that I’m this is like weirdly traumatic to me I don’t really know why I’m sharing this at all I remember just like laying there like I had to go to like sixth grade the next day I was just like sitting there being like I like couldn’t sleep CU I was like why like why did I just watch all that [ __ ] like it’s like a morbid curiosity and then you actually see it and then you’re like Jesus Christ um all righty folks I’m going to do a very brief check of the notes here really quick to make sure that I I hit everything that I wanted to hit yeah it looks like I did I mean technically there was one other thing that I wanted to to hit on here happy Gemini season to everybody out there who celebrates I myself am a Gemini I’m a June Gemini May Geminis aren’t real uh May Gemini Erasure um I was texting a a friend the other day and he asked me something about like oh if you were a dictator or some [ __ ] whatever it was he’s like what would you do and he’s like here’s all this [ __ ] that I would do and it was like a bunch of like cool Progressive [ __ ] that I agreed with and I was like a dictator I was like here’s the thing I don’t care who you are I don’t care who you are me specifically you give me any bit of power I’m doing the most evil [ __ ] in the world I just I just am it’s going to get to my head I’m taking bribes I’m jailing political opponents I’m probably jailing constituents um I’m evil man like I’m doing the worst [ __ ] there’s going to be like a state-run media everything comes across my desk if there’s something out there that I don’t like like we’re suppressing that [ __ ] like you give me any power at all that’s 100% what I’m doing are you out of your mind talk about like o uh free healthcare [ __ ] that everyone go to prison everybody go to jail I want to ride like some roller coasters with no lines and [ __ ] like that I don’t even like roller coasters literally at all I don’t know why I use that as an example I want to eat all of the hot dogs by myself nobody else can buy the hot dogs the the the ballpark dogs o what a what what there’s a question nah I’m not going to ask that question here’s a different question we have a lot of non-american listeners if you’ve made it this far in the episode I have a question for you guys how many states can you name outside of like like you’re going be oh New York California FLA Florida not those ones not those ones how many states can you name like is that like I don’t want to say is that part of your curriculum because like no it [ __ ] wouldn’t be but is that like it’s 50 states so it’s hard to know but as somebody who geographically I think although no because the only reason I’m good with geography is because I did it on my own time and it’s just cuz it the I mean the political part of it is what is why I know it’s not like really in school they were like so here’s aeran and here’s my thing is [ __ ] talking about like o so what’s going to happen to Iran now oh are they goingon to you know put the hands of the country into some other schizophrenic guy oh what what if he gets his hands on all the nukes I think Iran needs to get their hands on a [ __ ] GPS by the sounds of it flying in all that goddamn fog that’s what we should be worried about not the goddamn nukes we should be worried about uh the Iranian government knowing where they’re flying flying into a a goddamn mountain Mountain all righty folks if you are listening to this on Spotify be sure to rate Five Stars unfortunately you cannot leave a review if you’re watching this on YouTube uh be sure to uh leave a like subscribe maybe a nice little comment for the algorithm per chance I think that’s all I got today folks I will catch you guys now beautiful beautiful primary control beautiful primary control beautiful primary control beautiful

email in to the show: copinghoursubs@gmaill.com

0:00 Intro
0:44 Housekeeping notes: I’m a liar, Verizon tablets, and WhatsApp
6:30 Celtics/Pacers game one was WEIRD
8:44 Mike Breen “double bang” moment for Jaylen Brown!
12:54 Myles Turner jersey retirement mental exercise
19:28 The WCF crowd/atmosphere is WAY better than the ECF
22:14 The psychology of a “ref you suck” chant
23:44 Kyrie averages more “oooh tough bucket” reactions than anyone
27:20 Dallas/Minnesota is one of my favorite playoff series’ EVER
29:06 Narratives are having a moment in the NBA
33:27 The Detroit Pistons officially hired a new POBO
38:44 I have no idea what’s going on with Cleveland
41:45 Does Atlanta getting the #1 pick change their plans with Trae?
45:48 I don’t know why I started talking about Temu but I did
47:00 *GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING* & No I’m not kidding
53:02 Unrestricted internet access when it was the wild west
55:50 A question for our non-american listeners
57:23 PRIMARY CONTROL